The cost of freedom: Domestic abuse survivors forced to stay with abusers amid rising cost of living

It took seven years for Abigail to break free of her abusive relationship, but as the cost of living crisis deepens there are concerns others may not be able to break free.

More than three-quarters of domestic abuse survivors (77%) are finding it harder to escape these relationships, the charity Refuge has warned, as people are forced to choose between remaining with their abusive partner or risk destitution.

For almost a decade, Abigail (not her real name) was subjected to physical, mental, financial and sexual abuse – with the attacks becoming so violent on one occasion, she miscarried.

“The last resort for me was he drugged and violently raped me,” she told Sky News.

“And I think for me that was a wake-up call – because I could hardly walk. I just thought this person could kill me.”

But with her abuser’s name on the house, she was reliant on him financially and had to go to court to get him to take his name off the house.

“Simply put – I wouldn’t have been able to leave my abuser if this crisis was happening when I was trying to flee 10 years ago,” she said.

“I felt trapped as it was. One of the elements of abuse he used against me was financial. Alongside the physical and emotional abuse this economic abuse had a big impact when it came to leaving, he controlled everything.”

Abusers taking advantage of crisis

More than half of the frontline staff at Refuge said the cost of living crisis is leading survivors to return to their abusers.

Abigail’s partner would whisper in her ear: “He tried to tell me I was crazy. I couldn’t live without him.”

Refuge’s specialist technology-facilitated and economic empowerment team has seen an 87% increase in referrals for support with complex cases – they say this can be directly linked to the impact of the crisis.

The charity said it will need an additional £1m to address the growing costs of running its specialist services.

It warned perpetrators are also taking advantage of the cost of living crisis to increase economic abuse and control.

Some perpetrators restrict food and heating in an attempt to gain custody of children on the basis that survivors simply cannot afford to maintain a warm home and enough food.

Even seven years ago, setting out on her own was a struggle, said Abigail.

“At one point, I had £1.25 on my electric meter,” she said, adding that at one point she had to pay £1,500 in court costs towards the prosecution of her ex-partner.

He still owes Abigail thousands in child support.

As Christmas approaches, Abigail wants only the best for her four children – who were witnesses of the abuse – and has opened an Argos and Very account in a bid to afford presents.

“I have never had any credit cards before,” she said.

“I want to make sure my children have everything they want and need, but at the same time, I am already stressed when I think about how I am going to pay that off.”

Completely forgotten

One anonymous Refuge frontline worker said: “It feels like survivors of domestic abuse have been completely forgotten about in this crisis. I have clients whose financial situation is so difficult since fleeing that they are considering returning to their abuser.

“They are reliant on food and clothes banks, they have cancelled and cut back anything and everything they can, to be able to afford to pay their bills. This is having such a detrimental impact on survivors’ mental health and wellbeing.

“Some women are really worried about losing access to their children, they tell me that perpetrators are using this cost of living crisis to further their abuse, something we know as post-separation abuse.

“We are doing everything we can with the funding we have to support survivors – we are giving out more foodbank vouchers, more regularly and to more residents who are repeatedly requiring them, but this has led to foodbanks raising with us that they cannot repeatedly give out vouchers.”

Read more: Woman ‘trapped’ with abusive husband due to soaring energy prices

Calls for emergency escape fund

Refuge has called on the government to create an Emergency Domestic Abuse Fund to help survivors flee their abusers. It welcomed the government uplifting benefits in line with inflation but implored it “not wait until next April to make this vital change”.

Ruth Davison, the charity’s CEO, said: “Survivors and their children are struggling now, and they need urgent action to weather the storm of price increases this winter. No one should be left choosing between ongoing abuse and violence or poverty and hunger.

“The reality is that nothing has changed for women and children experiencing domestic abuse in the autumn statement.”

The fund, she added, would ensure “no woman has to choose between financial stability and her physical safety”.

Some 94% of emotional abusers escape conviction, according to Home Office data – despite the fact incidents of controlling and coercive behaviour are on the rise.

The average cost of a divorce in the UK – including legal fees and lifestyle changes, such as needing to find new accommodation – is £14,561, a devastatingly high amount for people who may not have access to their own money.

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Figures from Surviving Economic Abuse and Money Advice Plus found 67% of survivors are already in a negative budget or have less than £100 surplus at the end of the month. They also have an average individual debt of £20,000 – six times more than in 2020, and it’s expected to get worse.

Shanika Hayes, a senior associate at Stowe Family Law, told Sky News: “They may not have their own employment, and even if they find themselves in a situation where they can leave and have their own source of income, their confidence is normally at the point where they feel like they are not worthy of that, or are not able to sustain that.”

For both men and women, the crisis is placing a strain on relationships that can see them edge into abuse.

“Financial issues can be a catalyst to abuse and it’s often the case that this is the straw that broke the camel’s back,” said Ms Hayes.

“Financial worries, whether that’s how they pay bills or increases to cost of living, that can worsen a relationship that is already abusive, or push one into that territory.”

Refuge’s National Domestic Abuse Helpline can be reached on 0808 2000 247, available 24 hours a day 7 days a week for free, confidential specialist support.